Thursday, 9 February 2012

Is lying purposeful?

Why do children lie? Is lying purposeful? What if a child lie and then confront? What if they behave inappropriately? Why do they bully? 

Well, the perpetual problem that many parents face is lying by their children. Therefore, its important that many parents recognize that all behaviour is purposeful, even the habit of lying.When parents confront their children about their pattern of lying, they may unintentionally make the problem worse. 

Parents need to rethink their perspective for dealing with their children when they lie. Parents should never use the word lying in front of their child/children. It is preferable to use phrases such as "you need to be more up-front with me" or "you need to be honest with me" or "I trust and I know you too". This relaxes the encounter and makes it more likely that you will get to the bottom of the situation.

Children may embellish stories and lie to their friends if they lack self-confidence and proper social skills. Children may feel the need to gain approval from their peers. If you are aware that your child is fabricating information, explore the issue with gentleness or seek professional counseling assistance if necessary.

Some guidelines for parents to cope with children who conceal the truth are:
  • All behavior is purposeful, even lying. Lying is not always intentional deceit/pretence and may be aimed at getting attention from parents or manipulating a situation.
  • All children will lie on occasion. It is inevitable. Remember your childhood?
  • When children tell the truth, reinforce their positive behavior.
  • Never set-up your child by being aware of a lie and then asking him for the truth without discussing that you have information. Acknowledge up-front that you know what's going on.
  • Monitor your children's behavior (without over-involvement).
  • Remember lying is always a byproduct of other more meaningful areas of exploration with your children.
  • As a parent, role-model honest communications and behavior demonstrating integrity with your children. 
Unfortunately, some children are pathological (chronic) liars. These children wreak/cause havoc at home.Remember that lying is purposeful behavior that can be minimized with healthy involvement with your children, appropriate monitoring, sensitivity and understanding, and role-modeling of honest, open, and emotionally expressive communications.

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