Feeling of Guilt!

Last weekend, I experienced a deeply emotional moment when the topic of losing a parent came up, and it triggered a flood of tears. The conversation resonated with me, and I couldn't help but confront overwhelming feelings of guilt. One particular memory haunted me—the time when my mother reached out to speak with me, but I couldn't respond because I was preoccupied with a business call. Unfortunately, I let four days pass before attempting to return her call, and by then, it was too late. The news of her suffering from a brain hemorrhage and her eventual passing devastated me.

I have been carrying this burden of guilt ever since, constantly questioning myself about what could have been different if only I had spoken to her that day. It pains me to think about how I missed that opportunity to connect with her and express my love and care.

Writing about these feelings is one way of trying to cope and heal, but it still hurts deeply. I wish there was a way to turn back time and correct my actions, but I know that's not possible. I understand that holding onto this remorse won't change the past, and it's essential for me to find a way to come to terms with it.

As I continue on this journey of healing, I hope to find forgiveness within myself. I want to cherish the memories I had with my mother and honor her by being more present and attentive to my loved ones in the future.

Through self-compassion and understanding, I hope to find a path toward healing and acceptance, knowing that my mother would have wanted me to find peace and happiness in life. #guilt #motherlove

A few thoughts here and there!

 I do not believe in GOD or follow any religious beliefs and I have no doubt about my views, beliefs. This may sound a little straight, but that’s how it is.

I believe that my beliefs are my own creations with some logical and illogical ideas. I have never tried to impose my beliefs/thoughts on anyone. In fact, I never propagate my ideas too.

Surprisingly, you will always find me surrounded by the people, who are involved in ‘Satsang’, ‘Gita’, ‘Kirtan’, ‘Mata ki chowki’, ‘Puja and pathh’ etc. With due respect to all those people, but my presence makes no difference in my opinion or ideas about me being an atheist.’ I do participate in most of the events at my place, but with a pure intention, to enjoy and make my family members happy. That’s it. No other vested interest.  In fact, my family is well aware of my beliefs, but they are extremely positive that one day, God will show me the right path of ‘Bhakti.’

It seems, in most cases, people do ‘Bhakti’ when they experience the inconvenience of mind or out of fear of losing something. They will visit religious places to ask baba/Mata rani, to give them their peace of mind, help them settle in business, good results for their children, and for many other reasons. However, I accompany them to spend a good time with my family. I don’t talk much, instead enjoy their talks, seeing my son playing and having fun, and that togetherness is what I cherish the most. Therefore, I experience comparatively less inconvenience of my mind. 

A religious belief any for that matter were all created by humans in the past. So what if I have created my own? So what, if I enjoy the wholeness in myself looking at my friends and family in a state of happiness and well-being? So what, if I accept the difference between YOUR WORLD, MY WORLD, and THE WORLD? (Thanks to Devdutt Pattanaik for helping me understand the difference).

These questions, when asked at my workplace, it creates a healthy environment and exchange of thoughts. But when I ask the same questions to my family, the situation gets completely opposite, as they think I come from a different world. And with my sheer simplicity and smile, I reiterate my same old dialogue, ‘Difference does not mean wrong’ Nevertheless, I decided, let me be open in listening to both the views and eventually stay with my own thoughts and form my own belief system.

I am personally a very easy-going person. I prefer to explore and learn at my own pace and space. Hence, at this time, I do not have any specific questions for the ones who believe or do not believe in God. Instead, I wonder, how and when did I realize the need to form my own beliefs? How and when did I start forming them? My parents and at my in-law's place, everyone is damn religious and a believer of God. How come I got an entry to live in their world which is completely different than mine? Anyway, until I explore further and think about the questions to hold, let me confess, my experiences in life have taught me a lot, and I being an enthusiastic learner :), have learned and grown positively. I know with each passing year, I have groomed into a beautiful person. My thoughts, my values, my script/rescripts of my life have made me who I am! 

Ganesh Chaturthi

Vakratunda mahakaya suryakoti samaprabha

Nirvighne kuru me deva sarva karaye shu sarvada

Surat city has witnessed the blend of rituals and customs and is much diversified. The pleasure-loving people of Surat have a very classy and influential perspective. They are very joyful and are quite composed. Being cool, calm and at ease is what they believe in. It isn't a matter of surprise that Ganesha is worshiped in Surat with not just devotion but also enthusiasm. Any celebration is incomplete if Suratis' do not gather or rejoice with their near and dear ones. And yes, the occasion like Ganesh Utsav provides just the right opportunity to them to celebrate and enjoy their intimacy.

Suratis' inwardness has been like a roller coaster ride. They have witnessed the tragic incidents of flood and diseases, but in spite of that, the people have always been in concert. Their culture and beliefs have bound them together and they have been contented and gratified with their emotionalism. In fact, these people are very religious, irrespective of their social group or religious conviction they celebrate all the festivals with great happiness and delight. ‘Ganesh Chaturthi’ is the auspicious occasion for the people of Surat, as they are bringing home their beloved deity, Ganesha, the lord of good luck, wisdom and prosperity.

As this diamond city is geared up to welcome the deity, Suratis' have created pandals showcasing their creativeness’ and are ready to celebrate 10 day Ganesh festival with great vigor and fortitude. They scrub clean the area created for Lord Ganesha and decorate the place with garlands, colorful embellishments, and bright dark colored curtains in order to liven up the place. Alternatively, they add beautiful illumination to make the corner look more stunning and ravishing. They make candied home cooked meals and Prasad. The city is echoed to the mantra of ‘Ganpatti Bappa Morya.’”Puja” and “Aarti” are performed every morning and evening; everyone gathers to sing “bhajans” hymn. There are different groups that are formed and various activities are organised to add more joyous to the celebration. Undoubtedly, Suratis having a whale of time celebrating these 10 day Ganesh festival. One must spot the aura of this wonderful procession in order to experience it’s the real beauty.

Perhaps, Hinduism’s most popular divine figure, riding on rat rules the hearts of the Suratis like nothing else. Ganesha is worshipped foremost before launching any new venture, be it starting of a new factory or entering a new home. He is considered to be immediately accessible all around us, and takes many forms for those who imagine him in a more personalized fashion. Nevertheless, Suratis' wide-ranging systems of beliefs are quite flimsy.

My family is quite theological and spiritual. In 1994 when they migrated to this city, they did witness the aura of this carnival although on a very small scale. But sequentially they have watched this procession showing an upward trend. In fact, they too are now a part of this phenomenal rally and have started celebrating these days with great delight. Since 2008, we bring the idol of Lord Ganesh at our work place and perform all the rituals for 10 days. The excitement and pleasure of bringing Ganesha, within the staff and family are incredible. We buy the idol before 2 days of the Ganesh Chaturthi and clean up the whole place created for Lord Ganesha. My father in law and husband sits to decorate the idol with the decorative materials that are pleasing to the eye. They get mesmerized in their own dreamland and would work till late hours. My husband would predominantly design a unique stall for Lord Ganesha ensuring of superior quality. The happiness and contentment within the house are simply unimaginable.  

My son waits for these wonderful days, as he enjoys the drums, the aroma of the home made food and Prasad, bhajans and chant of ‘Ganpatti Bappa Morya,’ and ‘ek, do, teen, char.” Before this day, he would come to me asking several questions and would insist on to listening stories relating to Lord Ganesha. He loves listening to the one when Parvati asked her son to guard the door while she was taking bath. At that time, Shiva arrived there and wished to enter, but Ganesha did not allow to let him in. Shiva got so infuriated that he cut off the boy’s head. When Parvati came, she was horrified to see Ganesha’s body without the head. She pleaded Shiva to replace it, and he obliged with the head for the first creature he could find, an elephant. Thus, Ganesha became an elephant-headed God.

But mumma, “my son would ask me,” Is this true? Hmm, and I get clueless as I am little skeptic about the facts. Anyways, he simply loves the story about how Parvati asked her two sons, Ganesh and Kartikey, to go around the world in a race. Kartikey the more vigorous and martial minded of the two, set off at once, so that he wins the race. But Ganesha had other ideas. He requested his parents to sit together and encircled them.  On being asked by his parents what he was doing, Ganesha very cleverly answered that his parents were his world and he has gone around his world to complete the race. Thus, Ganesha won the race with his intelligence.

Ganesha is worshipped for 10 days, from Bhadrapad Shudh Chaturthi to the Ananta Chaturdashi. This year, in a diamond city, the devotees on Monday took the idol through the streets and pavements in a procession accompanied with dancing, before a live audience. Nearly 42,000 idols were then immersed in a river symbolizing a ritual see-off of the Lord in his expedition towards his house in Kailash. Suratis' strongly believe that on this day, Lord Ganesha will take away with him the misfortunes of all man. People involved in this final procession march shouting "Ganapathi Bappa Morya, Purchya Varshi Laukariya."

Suratis' get quite emotional and sad to see the idol disappear beneath the waves. However, they still hold on to their belief system and continue to worship lord Ganesh; the inseparable relationship between devotee and God. But how does it connect to the getting Ganesh idol immersed? Anyways, that is questionable.

All in all, Surati culture though very diverse in its flavor it still reminisce the essence of the Indian culture. Most of the foremost Hindu festivals are celebrated here with great conviction.

Narmad Library is great news for Surat’s book lovers!

Do you enjoy reading? Are you a book lover? What’s your reading personality? Are you interested in providing a learning environment to your kids. ‘Yes’ I am chattering about the people who are mostly quiet, mild mannered people and who love to sit on comfortable chair, get lost in their own dreamland and not talk to people for the extended period of time. I hope it doesn’t get that unexciting while writing about such a blissful place. 

Undoubtedly, I am writing about Kavi Narmad Library, one of the most important places in Surat.It is situated in the heart of the city. The site and the location are splendorous as it is free from the industrial pollution and the sound of the intense traffic.The library was set up by the Surat Municipal Corporation on 24th August 1991, at Ghoddod Road and named after the renowned and the greatest Gujarati poet Veer Narmad.

In December 2003, when I first came to Surat, I was absolutely clueless about the place and the community. I have always been fond of reading books on different subjects and would prefer to be in calm and a cozy environment. I remember, in 2008, while preparing for Banking & Insurance, I started visiting Kavi Narmad library over and over again. The serenity and tranquility of the place; the outstanding collection of the books on various subjects; outstretched reading rooms and sections; computers and manipulative for kids to challenge their thoughts; grabbed my attention and I was completely spellbound. While writing this article, I am reminiscing about the glorious moments that I have spent at the library with my son.

My son and I often visit library on Sundays, as it is a ‘Sabbath day’ meaning for rest and leisure; basically diversion from routine work; and we are keen on spending time reading books and also in checking out different classifications of published documents. He gets very excited at the thought of going to the library and is mostly interested in looking at the book series of Enid Blyton, Geronimo Stilton and Harry Potter to name a few. He makes it a point to read a chapter in the library and then spends time playing games on a computer, stroking a few lines and creating pictures on the board and exploring the section on new arrivals. I must say, it’s an absolute pleasure to watch him engrossed.

Last week, when I visited the library, I went with a clear vision to look around the books on sovereignty and I found exceptional, well-reasoned, thorough and provocative books with personal experience, fiction and memoirs written in striking and compelling prose. Indeed the administration of the library is exceptionally great,  as I could discover the support staff and librarian arranging books and providing access to electronic resources to the people. It’s such an enlightening and enriching experience at this place that I often get enthralled being in a different world altogether. The ambience of the library is incomparable.

Before its renovation, the community had very limited exposure and material to acquire information of their field and a choice. But with its redevelopment the library now makes available nearly 30000 books on various subjects. People have enough space and privacy to explore the books at their own pace. The library charges very nominal fees to the investigators and the enthusiastic readers; so that they can read newspapers and magazines there and if they wish they may carry books at home. The kids have computers and educational games to enhance their vocabulary and knowledge. The administration of the library is really commendable.

To press upon, the SMC and its administrative team have left no stone unturned to the development of the library and in volunteering to establish a Central full-fledged library in Surat. Undoubtedly, I am overwhelmed to witness the progression of this valuable place and would strongly recommend to the book lovers of Surat to visit this place on a regular basis.

http://www.aboutsurat.com/narmad-library-is-great-news-for-surats-book-lovers/

Self Forgiveness: There is no risk

[Source: Straight from the Blog healnowandforever.net, with apologise - and- all due credit to the owner of this blog post. Truly inspiring and motivating]

Self Forgiveness: You need only ask

Self forgiveness often feels out of reach. We are entirely too hard on ourselves. Or we take ourselves way too seriously! Still, one of the biggest challenges in my life is Self Blame. Iknow I am not alone.

We feel like we deserve blame and shame, yet we feel like we don’t deserve it in the same breath. Many of us go through life playing this blame game: “Is it me? Is it them?” In a way, that is how the story of blame stays so strong, by discombobulating us. In a confused vacillating state of defense and admonishment, we are more vulnerable and subservient to the wiles of shame and guilt.

Self Blame, along with his best bud Self Doubt, and his life-sucking neighbor, Self Hatred, are enough to drive anyone half crazy! And they have risen to epidemic proportions in our culture. (And we have exported them to other cultures.)

They have got to be stopped!

Blame, doubt, and guilt prevent people from feeling all the love and living the freedom that they deserve, instead making people feel unworthy, unloved, despairing, and afraid. The worst, worst, worst feelings in the world.

Too many people think that they are inherently flawed, (mostly because someone hurt them, yet they blame themselves for it.) On some level they feel like they deserved to have been treated that way. It is the only way they can explain why someone else would do something so horrible.  (Plus the abuser probably told them it was their fault.) For most of us, the abuse wasn’t so blatant, but the negative voices come from somewhere.

We conclude that there must be something wrong with us.

But there isn’t anything wrong with us.

Not. One. Thing.

We are beautiful and beloved. And deserving.

Absolutely without question, deserving of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not condoning something horrible, it is about freeing yourself from the blame game. Freeing yourself from resentment.

People get very afraid of self forgiveness. They feel like if they forgive themselves, then they are “egotistical, uncaring of who they have hurt, or irresponsible.” I know, I have been there.  They feel like shame is penance for what they did. If they let it go, they are “a terrible person” since they NEED to take responsibility for that. (And you know what I think about“need.”) Ironically, if they let it go, they would no longer think that they are a terrible person.

There is no risk to self forgiveness.

Self forgiveness is seeing the you, the preferred you beyond the blame and shame.  Knowing that you are more than what happened to you, more than the names you’ve been called, more than your neediness and more than your bad luck might suggest.

Forgive yourself for “allowing yourself to be abused,” forgive yourself for being anxious, forgive yourself for getting a divorce, for surviving when someone else didn’t, for not being lovable, for not being thin enough, smart enough, for not “saving” your loved one, for being an imperfect mother. (All of that is in your head anyway.) You did the best you could, and you made it here. And I am sure you did far better than you imagined.

Forgive. You will not get struck with lightening. You are innocent.

Shame is familiar, and it is scary to give up. What if forgiveness feels worse? Forgiveness is how we heal, healing–by definition–cannot be worse. You will feel better.

Shame keeps you stuck under a really heavy weight. A weight that is not yours to carry. Forgive like there is no tomorrow, like you have done nothing wrong, because you haven’t. You are innocent.

You are innocent. And loved. Oh so loved.

Don’t forget, forgiveness is a verb, you keep committing to it, shame is familiar. It’ll keep coming back for a while, expect it, greet it, and let it go again and again. 

Are you ready to try? 

For added inspiration, read the short poem  The Calm Came Back by Danielle Boostra.

Read, Read, Read.....!

Read, Read, Read.....What to read and why to read? Why reading is important? Please give me logic and reasoning as to why should I read when I have tons of other things to do. 

Well, students have been asking me these and many other questions since past few days, in order to understand the significance of reading. I was actually wondering why they are not able to understand, as  reading help us to grow and helps us in getting better with our skills and conventions. Probably they were asking for  precise information and reasoning for the same. 

I started my conversation with them by sharing my own experience and a journey as an educator. In addition, I also shared how reading  has helped me to grow as a better person. When I shared that reading helps us to improve our vocabulary, improves our memory and creativity, they contradict  and said that its not reading but grammar and usages of grammar and language helps us getting better with language and reading simply helps us in covering our curriculum and in identifying new words and vocabulary, which normally we don't tend to use in our daily routine. I gave my consent and added that indeed books gives us wider exposure towards new words and vocabulary, and the possibilities of sharing are endless. They are portable and we can take them almost anywhere. But, by adding book reading to our daily schedule and sticking on it, improves discipline, it makes us use our brain, we think more and become smarter. It is a fundamental skill builder. It also expands our horizons and letting us see what other cities and countries have to offer before we visit them. It requires our focus as we are reading for a long period of time. 

Looking at the time constraint, I made an inquiry box and asked them to post their queries and questions on the same. Next day when I checked to my surprise most of the students got convinced and understood the significance of reading. 

But I am still awaiting for the words from the students who have not posted anything!

I can....!

"Those who think they can do ___ do,

 Those who think they can not ___ do not".

This is true for all of us, but it is specially true for young children. The responses of parents and other adults have a powerful effect on children's actions. Adults reactions actually teach children how competent or incompetent they are. Have you ever noticed how proud your children are of their accomplishments? They often argue with you to "Watch this!" or "Look at what I made". Young children need to be seen as capable and strong, but they lack the skills and knowledge that grown-ups have.The list of things they can do is much shorter than the list of things they cannot do. They really need your help in learning that they can do things.

To help your children develop confidence in themselves, focus on their strengths and successes, show them you have faith in their abilities, reflect their achievements in a positive but realistic manner, build the child's sense of basic trust, learn why child acts the way he does, express your unpleasant feelings verbally, accept child's unpleasant emotions,teach the child how to deal with angry and unhappy feelings, provide ways for child to feel success, respond to child's actions immediately, teach and demonstrate respect for your own and others, give the child plenty of praise; warmth and physical signs of affection, take photographs of the child and display the child's art work.

A child feels good when adults are supportive, give choices and use democratic methods. So avoid being too strict or too pessimist. Also, a child feels contended when his/her needs for love, security and belonging are met, and feels upsets when he/she gets too little attention and feels neglected and unwanted.

Self-confidence is like a ripple. When children feel capable in one area, the feeling is likely to spread to other areas of their lives. Encouragement builds and restores a child's self-confidence.Encouragement is more than praise. In fact, praise often causes discouragement because the children consider it either as being undeserved or as your wish for them to succeed beyond their capacity. Encouragement expresses faith in children as they are, not in what they could be.

As an adult, use your power wisely while demonstrating respect and appreciation for your child's growing need for self-determination and a strong self-concept.

The CHANGE

It is rightly said,"What comes out of your mouth is determined by what goes into your mind". Our society is more negative than positive. Our conversations at home accentuate the negative. Unfortunately, a negative thinker activates the world around him negatively, and every bit of negativism he sows produces a bumper crop. Albert Einstein said we have to have seven positive influences to overcome one negative one.

Change emphasis - change results. Take one day and after each encounter jot down the gist of the conversation. I promise you, by the end of the day your comments will be more positive than they were at the beginning. Once we become aware of what we are doing, the solution is on its way.